NILMDTS: Remembering Courage

A while back, we attended a training class for photographers with an organization called “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.” We love learning new things, and this provided some very practical tips on topics like using artificial lighting in small spaces, posing, and so on; they do these training seminars to help all of their photographers (we are all volunteers) to do the very best job we can. Why? Because when we do photography sessions for NILMDTS, our goal is to capture a lifetime of memories in just a few short moments. And there are no do-overs.

NILMDTS sends a professional photographer to the hospital to provide a free photo session (as well as a CD of photos from their session) to families who are experiencing the loss of a child. Often it’s a situation where the parents know that their baby has a condition which will only allow the child to live a few hours, or even just a few moments after the child is born. This is their only opportunity to have a portrait with their baby. I’m sure some people probably think it’s weird, or morbid, to do these kinds of photographs. But most of those who have experienced this kind of loss understand that having these tangible memories helps them grieve, and helps them heal.

In February, we applied with NILMDTS to become member photographers, and we were notified of our approval during the last week of February. On March 1st, we got our first call. We hadn’t received any training yet on proper protocol, what forms had to be filled out, and so on, but the area coordinator said she’d meet us there and take care of all that for us. So we loaded up the cameras and such and headed to the hospital. To protect the family’s privacy, I won’t mention names or a lot of other details, but the baby’s name means “courage”, so that is what I will call her. Courage was born premature (at 29 weeks gestation) and apparently suffered a major stroke at birth, which left her brain dead. She was now about two weeks old, and on this day her parents had made a gut-wrenchingly difficult decision, and had removed her from life support a couple of hours before we arrived. Beautiful, tiny baby Courage was still living at the time we took her photographs. It was heartbreaking to know how limited her time with her family would be. When the session was over, her parents thanked us, but we felt like we should thank them. They had allowed us to share such an intimate moment in their lives.Baby Courage passed away just about two hours after we left the hospital. We began working on their photos to make their CD of images, and a DVD slideshow, as soon as we got home. The CD was simple to make, but we felt like the slideshow had to be just right. We wanted it to be touching, to capture those tender moments honestly, but also to be something that would bring comfort. This was very different than doing an upbeat slideshow for an on-the-go toddler or giggling baby. Two weeks later, we finally felt like we had something good to give them. We so wanted it to bless them. So we prayed for them again, and mailed the package.

So what? It’s just some photos, right? Why would we make a big deal of wanting everyone to know about NILMDTS and what they do? And isn’t it emotionally draining for the photographers? Yes… I had sleepless nights, questions and worries to pray through; it made life seem so much more fragile. And I know that many times, the sessions & situations will be much more upsetting than this one. So why put ourselves through that? Because, it’s not about us. This is about God working through us to bless hurting families. I want to share an excerpt from an email that Courage’s father sent me after they received the CD and DVD. He said, “…we are so thankful to you all for creating such beautiful memories for us. These memories are all we are left with now. God Bless you all…” That CD contains the only tangible memories they have of their sweet daughter. There is NO question that we are willing to do it again.